Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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