Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
