Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
