tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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