i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
