no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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