so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
