I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
