Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
