i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize