I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
