I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
