I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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