I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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