nut hugger
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
