Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
ok first of all what the fuck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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