She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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