Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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