I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
