dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
