It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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