you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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