She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
