the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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