I will die if light touches me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do vagina's smell?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
