How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize