We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
