and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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