i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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