I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize