you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
