It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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