Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
