the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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