im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
