then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
