Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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