I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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