now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
