i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
