Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
