I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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