I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
