Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
