I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
