her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
