is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
