She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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