Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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