And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
