I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
