hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
