Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
