Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
