I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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