I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
