I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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