She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
