Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
