Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
