he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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