I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
