you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
