There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
