I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
